Nikki (nakeisha) wrote in ncis_flashfic,
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Was It Worth The Cost? by Ashleigh Anpilova

TITLE: Was It Worth The Cost?
AUTHOR: Ashleigh Anpilova
PAIRING: Leroy Jethro Gibbs/Donald 'Ducky' Mallard
CHARACTERS: Ducky
GENRE: Slash
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Ducky is troubled by a recent decision.
CHALLENGE 'I Never'
WORD COUNT: 275
WARNINGS: None
SPOILERS: None
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.




I have never slept with a woman.

Therefore, when she turned up and claimed to be my granddaughter, I knew she was lying. I knew her declaration could not possibly be true.

However, I could not have known, I could never have imagined, what the cost of my refutation, my denial, would be.

Sometimes, for a moment when I think about the cost, the loss, the devastating destruction, I wonder if, had I known then what I know now whether I would have gone on saying 'I have never slept with a woman'.

At other times I know I did the right thing. I did the only thing I could do.

But the cost.

Was it too much?

Was it worth it?

Two lives lost.

For what?

My pride?

My honesty?

My reputation?

My self-worth?

And it could have been even worse. God forgive me, but it could have been worse. I could have lost my beloved.

But is what happened worse?

He says no.

He says I did the right thing.

He says I did the only thing I could do.

Keep repeating 'I have never'.

But I do not know.

Sometimes I look at him and I wonder.

Maybe one day I will tell the full story.

Maybe one day when it is not so raw, so painful, so intense. When the loss does not cut so deeply, I will tell what happened.

They say it will help.

But what do they know?

For the first time in my life, I am not certain of what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.

Maybe one day I will tell.

But maybe I never will.

Tags: challenge: i never, genre: fem/slash, pairing: gibbs/ducky, writer: nakeisha
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